Jan. 24th, 2010 11:54 am
tonks17: (Calvin & Hobbes: Hobbes wants to wear a )
[personal profile] tonks17
The AU Challenge from way back long time ago was won by [livejournal.com profile] the_resurrector. She requested I write a fic. Involving Ben & Kevin babysitting little aliens. Well, I got them babysitting one little alien. It was a strange concept for me to grasp, so I just went for broke and cracked out the crack. [livejournal.com profile] pan2dapan, I’m using that email idea you had. Yes, that one. Also from a really long time ago.

Title: klemail
Originally Posted: November 10, 2009
Rating: PG
Words: 1,743
Characters: Kevin, Ben, little Stevie, Lu, Com
Summary: Kevin checks his email. He responds via flashback.
Warnings: Fluffles, little alien kids, and girly screaming.
Disclaimer: Ben 10: Alien Force © Man of Action and Cartoon Network. Strongbad Emails & associated ideas and concepts © homestarrunner.com and creators. Cheesy Poofs from South Park.
Author’s Notes: I'm imitating an internet cartoon, but since I can't draw or animate, you get a text version. This is the kookiest writing style I've ever tried. It was fun!



You see a computer named Com. It is sitting on a desk. A black haired head comes into view. The body attached to the head takes a seat on the stool [insert stool scoot sound effect here] in front of the desk. He clicks the EMAIL icon as he sings,


After his song is over, Kevman reads an email.

“Dear Kevin Levin,
The other day I went to see my cousins. They’re little. And annoying. And my mom made me babysit them so she and Auntie Mildred could go shopping. Have you ever had to deal with annoying kids that eat crayons?
Crudfully yours,
Jerry Thompson, Louisville, MO.” [He pronounces it “Lewisville, Moe.”]

Kevman hits the reply button, then types a response. He reads it out loud so you don’t have to look over his shoulder, even though you are looking over his shoulder anyway.

“Dear Tom & Jerry,
Crudfully? Crudfully? What kind of way is that to end an email? Are you one of those kids whose moms won’t let them say the word CRAP or somethin’? Laaaaaame.

“As to those annoying kids and their crayon candy bars, taking care of the Ship is kinda like babysitting. The Ship doesn’t live here all the time, but sometimes he shmoozes on over and has a light switch rave." The screen momentarily cuts to the Ship flicking a light switch really fast as the lights strobe in time to nifty techno music.

The screen cuts back to Kevman as he continues his reply to the email.

“But I did once have to do a real babysitting job. More like an aliensitting job. My boyfriend, uh… I mean, my friend, Ben and me had to go to the moon to help out the dude in charge of the Plumber’s base.”

The screen wipes and you see Kevman and his boyfriend, we mean, his friend, Ben. They are in a space ship. [insert space ship flying sound effects here] Kevman is steering with a keyboard, Ben is manning a joystick.

“Hey, Ben. Make sure you blow up that meteor that’s about to hit us.”

“You got it, Kevin.” [insert laser blaster sound effects here]

“Dude! You missed a chunk! HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAAP!” Kevman types away furiously as he steers the space ship away from the space debris. The screen whirls in circles as the space ship goes crazy. Ben and Kevman are screaming their girly screams.

Next scene, you see that the ship has landed on the moon in a heap that may or may not actually fly again later. You see the two boys stumble out of the wreckage in funny-looking space suits. They walk up to the Plumber’s base.

“That’s the last time I let you drive,” Ben says.

“You’re the one who missed a giant hunk of space rock, Sharp Shooter McGee,” Kevman replies.

They get inside the base [insert slide-y door sound effect here] and are met in the airlock by a short, green alien with a really big wrench.

“Hey Lu,” says Ben.

“Oh good, you guys are here. Follow me.” Lu scuttles off down the hallway. Kevman and Ben follow with their shuffly teenage boy walks.

Screen switches back to Kevman and the Com. He continues to read what he types out loud.

“So we get to the base and we follow Lu to this break room thing. I dunno why he has one since he’s the only guy workin’ up there, but whatever. We go to this break room, and it’s got this little munchkin of a Pyronite playing with blocks or somethin’.”

Screen wipes to a little munchkin of a Pyronite playing with blocks or something. He smiles at the trio of Plumbers. He’s adorable.

“Awww, he’s adorable!” Ben is overcome by the cute.

“Your baby Necrofriggians were cuter,” Kevman mumbles. Ben glares a half-embarrassed, half-grumpy glare at Kevman. You see Lu wave his wrench around to get the boys’ attention.

“This here’s Stevie. He got dropped off here earlier today ‘cause his folks are doing an inter-galactic space jump to the Crab Nebula. Stevie’s too young to go through the jump, so they needed someone to watch their kid for a day. Problem is, I’m too busy watching over this place to take care of him.” Lu points his wrench at Stevie. “I contacted Earth, and your cousin Gwen received the call. She said you two would watch him until his parents come back to the Milky Way.”

“What?!” “Gwen said we’d babysit?” The two boys’ jaws drop. They drop further when the little munchkin of a Pyronite sets a block or something on fire.

Screen wipes back to the Com, and Kevman continues to type and read out loud to you.

“So, we took the runt back to Earth. The ship held up fine after Lu fixed it up. Figures the only thing that was really wrong with it was the warp drive.” Screen flashes to the ship zoooooooming by trailing blue smoke. You hear screams to go with the zoooooooming.

“Back on Earth, we decided to keep the runt at my apartment. Something about Ben’s parents not wanting a flammable baby in the house.”

Screen switches to the living area of an apartment. A fugly couch, racks of CDs, and a huge stereo system dominate the room. You see Ben sitting on the fugly couch. Stevie is playing on the floor with his blocks or something. Kevman walks on screen.

“Uh… so… what do we do now?” Kevman looks nervous about having a living fireball in his living room.

“Well, we just have to keep the little guy occupied and happy until his parents come back.”

“Yeah… How do we do that?”

“Uh… I hadn’t—how about we put on that Sumo Slammers DVD?” Ben is making it up as he goes along. Kevman goes along with him. Screen cuts to Stevie watching Sumo Slammers. [insert sumo wrestling sound effects here]

Screen cuts back to the Com and Kevman typing.

“We guessed little kids liked TV and he’d just sit in front of it and not do anything. Piece of cake. Maybe some pie on the side. Boy, were we wrong. Stevie thought it’d be fun to imitate Ishiyama. Let’s just say Pyronites shouldn’t be sumo wrestlers. I will miss you, Fugly Couch. [insert Kevman sniffling and/or sobbing sound effects here] Such beautiful memories.

“After chasing the runt around my apartment trying to stop him from setting anymore valuable furniture on fire, [voiceover continues along with images of Kevman and Ben chasing Stevie as he sumos his way into a table, a La-Z-Boy, a lamp shaped like a woman’s leg, and a suspiciously empty bookshelf, all while the Fugly Couch is in flames] we got him to slow down and eat some Cheesy Poofs. Figures the only kind he’d like were the extra-spicy ones.

“After sitting around the kitchen watching the runt eat Cheesy Poofs, Ben declared he was hungry. We went searching for food other than Cheesy Poofs. I found marshmallows.”

Screen cuts to kitchen. You see little Stevie is sitting at the table eating Extra-Spicy Cheesy Poofs. Kevman and Ben are holding skewers and roasting marshmallows over little Stevie’s Pyronetic head.

“I would say this was a bad idea,” Ben says to Kevman, “but Stevie seems happy to let us roast marshmallows over him.”

“He sure does,” Kevman agrees as he eats his perfectly golden marshmallow. “But he also looks kinda sleepy. His hair’s going out.”

Screen cuts to Kevman and Ben tucking little Stevie into a special fireproof sleeping bag Lu had given them. Good thing too; Stevie breathes little puffs of fire when he snores.

Screen cuts back to Kevman at the Com.

“So, after we got the runt to sleep, all that was left was to wait. And wait. And wait. I dunno what we were waitin’ for. For him to wake up? For his parents to get back from the Crab Nebula? For some alien to come busting the door down so we could kick its ass? I dunno. But I do know that waitin’ isn’t always a bad thing. Especially if I get to wait around with my boyfriend, I mean, my friend, Ben.”

Screen cuts to the kitchen again. You see Ben and Kevman eating marshmallows. Kevman has marshmallow goop on his chin.

“Uh… Kev?” Ben points at Kevman. “You got stuff on your face.”

“Where? Here?” Kevman rubs his face with a marshmallowy hand. He succeeds in getting more marshmallow goop all over himself. Ben attempts to smother his laughter, but ends up giggling anyway. Kevman tries to glare at Ben, but his marshmallow face ends up more like a pout than a glare.

“Yeah, there. And here too.” Ben reaches out across the table and smudges off some of the goop with his thumb. You see Ben lick the marshmallow goop off his fingers [insert slurping sound effects here], and Kevman stares very intently. There might be a hint of a blush on his face. Ben is apparently oblivious to any effect he may be having on Kevman.

“Ben.” Kevman is staring at his boyfriend, we mean, his friend. Ben still has a marshmallow goopy finger in his mouth.

“Hrrm?” Ben is apparently still oblivious to the effect he is having on Kevman, so Kevman grabs the collar of Ben’s jacket and hauls him off screen.

Screen abruptly cuts back to Kevman sitting at the Com.

“That didn’t happen. [insert throat clearing sound effect here] Anyway… Stevie’s’ folks came around soon enough. I forgot Pyronites had built-in human appearances.” Screen wipes to two normal looking humans in Kevman’s apartment doorway who then flame up. The imagery is accompanied by a girly scream from Kevman who has answered the door. “After the little munchkin of a Pyronite and his parents left, Ben and I were kinda bummed our mini marshmallow roaster was gone. But we found other things to do with the marshmallows.

“So, Jerry Beans, that was my experience with babysitting. Sure, Stevie didn’t eat any crayons, but he ate all the Extra-Spicy Cheesy Poofs. That’s just as bad. Maybe even worse. Oh man, Ben’s coming over. I have to go see if the Ship is done with his light switch rave.”

Kevman gets up from the desk [insert stool scoot sound effect here] and leaves the frame.


End. :D

- Tonksy on Kevin’s marshmallows: He picked up the habit when he was all metal-mutanty. Metal-mutant Kevin ate squishy things to remind him that, on the inside, he was still squishy.
- Credit where credit is due:
Kevman’s Email Song written by [livejournal.com profile] pan2dapan.
Marshmallow idea & two slightly edited sentences contributed by [livejournal.com profile] the_tonberry.
Thanks for the help guys. <3

January 24, 2010: Forgot to update this when I was archiving the first time through.
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